A few weeks ago I ran a webinar on 'How to be assertive without appearing aggressive', and had some great feedback. I thought I'd share my top tips with you.
Assertiveness is: the ability to say what you think or feel, or to say what you need, while respecting yourself and respecting the other person.
This is the co-operative approach, looking for a win- win situation
o You can choose to be assertive, passive or aggressive – which would you choose? Consider why is this important to you.
ü Respect yourself and others
o If you have chosen to be more assertive, then the first step is to value and respect yourself and your opinions, and to respect others.
ü Build rapport
o Anything is possible in the presence of rapport. You can consciously build rapport by discreetly adopting a similar posture to the other person, maintain eye contact, listen with respect and adopt a similar tone of voice. (This is a big topic!)
ü Monitor your thoughts
o Your thoughts can easily sabotage how you feel, which will affect how you come across, therefore decide how you want to feel and select your thoughts accordingly.
ü Create and control your outcome
o When you mentally prepare your response you are taking control of the situation. Think through how you want to come across and in particular, decide what you want the outcome to be.
ü STOP apologising
o When you apologise, you have already decided that you are wrong and it tells the other person that you don’t value yourself.
ü Find assertive role models
o Choose one or two assertive people and notice what they do that tells you they are assertive. Which of these behaviours or attitudes would you like to adopt?
ü Aim for win- win situations
o Being assertive is not about you winning the argument: it is about finding a win-win solution.
