Archive for the ‘Interpersonal Skills’ Category

The fears behind our behaviour

Monday, December 10th, 2012

Last week I was on a course, gaining a more in depth knowledge about FIRO theory.

F.I.R.O stands for Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation – in other words, understanding the deep-seated way in which we relate to other people. This theory explores how our behaviour impacts on those around us, how we act in response to how we think and feel about ourselves – and how we behave based on how we think others see us.

It’s a fascinating theory and even after all these years of coaching, and my own self exploration and self development, I gained further understanding of what is driving my behaviour.  It was interesting to uncover that my fear about making the ‘wrong’ decision is down to my fear of being humiliated. What I know now is that this fear comes from many years ago, and isn’t relevant any more – quite a powerful lesson for me.

Our behaviour is underpinned by our feelings, and fears of being ignored, humiliated or rejected.

Think about something you keep putting off, and the ‘fear’ associated with that. Unless it’s obviously life threatening, I bet you can see which of the three fears above is most relevant.

“So vital is an awareness of THE SELF that the leader who is unaware of their own blind spots or how they impact on others is like to become a walking disaster in the workplace, a leader who may lead their ‘troops’ over the cliff face” (McCarthy & Ganavan 1999)

If you want to find out more about FIRO theory, just drop me a line.

What’s within your control?

Monday, November 19th, 2012

It’s been a tough few years, and the news is that it won’t get any easier in the short term.

Talking to friends, family and clients, most people are worrying about something. How secure is their job? Will they be able to get the clients they want? Will their children be able to get a job in their chosen industry when they finish university?

It's a fact that 'life happens'. Things happen that are outside of our control, but the key is in how we respond.

We can either hide under the covers with fingers crossed hoping things will get better, or we can re-group, re-focus and take action.

If you’re waking up in the night worrying about the future, I hope the following tips will get you back on track

  • Be honest with yourself, what's the current situation?
  • Identify what's working well. And what's not?
  • Share these thoughts with someone who is a good listener
  • Explore what you want instead of the current situation
  • What do you need to differently?
  • Use the people around you – who do you know who can help you?
  • List your options – there are always options…
  • Write out a plan of action and take the first step
  • Take at least one step every day to take you closer to your goal.


And remember my favourite quote: 'We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails'

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

In a conversation style, Dale Carnegie offers practical advice and techniques for how to get out of a mental rut and make life more rewarding. He advises on how to make friends quickly and easily, win people over toyour way of thinking, become a better speaker and more entertaining conversationalist and arouse enthusiasm among your associates.